Wanting it just isn’t enough

wantit

This week’s blog has been triggered by a whole bunch of conversations, events, other blog posts and a few of my own ponderings. As the title says, it’s about why wanting it just isn’t enough.

Here’s a few of the trigger events:

I want

I want

  • I want to lose weight
  • I want to put all those great ideas I just learned into my business
  • I want to start my own business
  • I want to be with him
  • I want to help her
  • I want to write a book
  • I want to start a business
  • I want to have a baby
  • I want to run a marathon one day
  • I want to go on holidays
  • I want to find a new job
  • I want to have a buff body for summer

You’ve probably got many more you could add to the list – some you’ve heard, some of your own.

So, all this wanting got me wondering, why is it that some people want something, then go and make it happen, yet others want something (sometimes very much) yet just can’t seem to get past the wanting and into action mode?

Here are a few of the reasons I’ve uncovered:

  1. It’s too scary. Some of the things we want are big and we know that it will take a big change or a lot of effort to get them and when we start thinking about that, it’s too overwhelming so we stop thinking and just keep wanting.
  2. Don’t have the skills. We just don’t know how to go about getting it. We need skills, knowledge or help from others but maybe don’t even know where to start.
  3. Too many other priorities. Let’s face it, we want a lot! There are many things fighting for our time, our money, our focus and energy.
  4. Fear of failure. This is a big one. If we say we want something, without ever doing anything about it, then we never have to face the possibility that we just can’t have it or that we might not have what it takes to get it.
  5. Fear of success. As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for” or in this case want for. It is possible that we want something but getting it comes at a high cost and we’re not prepared to pay price.

So “I want” to offer some solutions to these and I’m going to! Here are my ideas for when you’re ready to kick start some action….when wanting it just isn’t enough.

    1. Eat the elephant one bite at a timeI’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. Eating a whole elephant in a single meal would be too much for even the biggest appetite; but by breaking it down into meal size portions, bagging it up for future meals and eating the first meal, you’ll have that elephant eaten in no time. Apologies to the elephant lovers and vegetarians.
    2. Ask. Simple. If you don’t know how, ask someone who does and keep asking and learning until you do know how. If you don’t know who to ask for help, ask someone who to ask! Surrounding yourself with people who can help just makes sense. Yet, so many times I talk to people who are battling away on their own.The reason I created The Kickstart BusinessΒ is because I know that people need support to be their best. I also know that finding the right support can be time-consuming and overwhelming. The more information we have access to, the more options there are and the more confusing it can be. I offer you solutions in one place. Easy.
    3. Work out what you really want. If you want lots of things then you need to prioritise what you want the most. It doesn’t mean you don’t get the other things, it just means you’ll have to wait a bit longer. Try writing down all of your wants then trading one off against the other to test which you want more. Eventually you should have a prioritised list.
    4. Get over yourself. We don’t want to look stupid, we want others to like us, we want to make mistakes. If you want it bad enough then get over these excuses and take the risk – you just might succeed and get what you want and more!
    5. Get real. With yourself. If you want something and it’s important then you’ll find a way. If it just isn’t worth it then let it go and enjoy what you’ve got. Write a list of all that you have already and be thankful for all of that.

If you’ve now decided that wanting it just isn’t enough, then go get it.

I’d love to hear your views.
Is it really this easy? If you want it – go get it?
Can just wanting it be enough?
Is there something you want but even if you put these ideas into place, you still couldn’t have it?

I’ve given you bite size questions. I’m asking you to comment. I really want your view. If I don’t get any comments, I’ll ask again next week. I’ve enjoyed thinking about this topic and writing about it and now I can get onto getting my next want πŸ™‚

21 Responses to Wanting it just isn’t enough

  1. Robin Dickinson November 11, 2010 at 4:45 pm #

    Thank you for this post, Suellen.

    Speaking strictly from my own experience πŸ˜‰ it’s not so much about wanting it but about…

    * wanting it enough to commit adequate time, cash and other resources;
    * wanting it enough to weather the maelstrom of negativity, ‘advice’, critique & nitpicking from others;
    * wanting it enough to charge through the endless mind-chatter of self doubt;
    * wanting it enough to see the years ticking by and still charge forward to claim the prize;
    * wanting it enough to heave up through the gravitational force of repeated failure.

    Yes, I want many thinks – and I know what I really want. The question I ask myself nowadays is, “Do I want it enough?”. It’s a great filter of puffed up intent and idealistic notions of dream living.

    Just some thoughts to kick off the discussion.

    Best,

    Robin πŸ™‚

    • Suellen November 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm #

      Thanks Robin. Do I want it enough? Great question. I coach people who think they want something but when they get down to answering some of the questions you ask yourself and those I raised in the blog, they find that they want the idea of it but not at any cost. They don’t want it enough I guess and that’s fine – at least they can stop dreaming and move on.

      Sometimes you might want it enough but still not know how to get it – that’s when I think people need to ask “Do I want it enough to ask for help?”

      Looking forward to hearing what others want and how they go about getting it.

      Thanks for your support
      Suellen

      • Claire Lane November 11, 2010 at 5:59 pm #

        Hi Suellen,

        Great topic. Over the last few years I have learned (the hard way) about wanting the idea of something, as opposed to actually wanting the thing. For example, I wanted to be a natural therapist – so I studied for a couple of years and am now actually a qualified reflexologist. But once I’d accomplished it, I realised it wasn’t what I actually wanted to do – I had wanted the idea of it more than the reality (in fact, what I really wanted was the be the recipient of such indulgent natural therapies, rather than to be the therapist, hehe!). Even now, I have this vague long-term plan of opening a luxury guesthouse – but there’s a part of me which is wondering “Do I really want that, or do I just like the idea of it?”. It’s often a difficult distinction to make…

        So thanks for reminding me about the reality of ‘wanting’ – as Robin says, you have to want it enough…

        Claire

        • Suellen November 11, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

          Hi Claire,

          Reflexologist eh? You kept that quiet πŸ˜‰ Love a good foot massage myself but the thought of touching other people’s stinky feet – uck!

          Wanting the fantasy or romanticizing a situation gets people into all sorts of trouble. So many people talk about wanting to have their own business but when I talk to them about doing all the “other”stuff like the BAS, the filing, managing their website / hosting/ email, marketing, selling, networking, product development – you know, the “other” stuff required to run a successful business, they realise that it’s their unrealistic idea of running their own business they want and they certainly don’t want the inevitable failure that results from not doing all the “other” stuff.

          It can be a difficult distinction to make. I’m interested in how you came to the realisation that reflexology wasn’t what you really wanted?

          Thanks Claire.

          BTW, I’m sure you’d run a very well organised Guesthouse πŸ˜‰

  2. dragonfly07 November 11, 2010 at 5:19 pm #

    ‘Wanting what you have instead of Having what you want’ (BJN) is something that I’ve been told often. However, wanting and getting are 2 different things.

    I have owned & run a successful business in which I managed to changed the way people shop by educating people about the environment, all the while selling my products.

    I was a Furniture Designer with a client base, with plans for expanding my business until I had a car accident that ended my career (and the final year of a BFA majoring in FD & Sculpture).

    Fortunately, I am resourceful and when I have to, I have more front than MYERS which gives me an advantage when it comes to distributing my work. I’m not afraid to chat to gallery owners or anyone who may be interested in buying my work – although I am invisible to the world, no one can put my face to my work (due to being terminally shy)…. it does sound like an oxymoron, but I manage to make it work.

    Knowing your limitations is the greatest resource a person can have, I know I can’t build furniture anymore so I have turned to a different creative outlet. I could have studied to be a lawyer, books are easy (no offense to lawyers, my brother is one) remembering what I’ve read and said is easy; Art is subjective – try explaining a piece that goes over your lecturer’s head and see how well your graded!

    Sometimes, in my experience, life throws you a curve ball and you’ve just got to roll with it, despite what you want. Sh*t happens

    Cheers
    D07

    • Suellen November 11, 2010 at 6:15 pm #

      Hi D07,

      Thanks for dropping by and leaving your comment.

      Your story is exactly the sort of thing that got me thinking about this topic. Why is it that some people can roll with it, find other options and deal with the sh*t life throws at them but others can’t? Is it just a matter of deciding you want it and deciding to go get it – providing you want it enough?

      Sounds like you’ve made a success out of a pretty curvy ball – good on you.

      I love people with front – with more front than Myers, you’ll be successful at getting what you want πŸ™‚

      Suellen

      • dragonfly07 November 11, 2010 at 10:27 pm #

        Hi Suellen,

        It’s not in my disposition to feel sorry for myself, I think that could have something to do with why other’s can’t see other options in their lives. Although, I do have a strong sense of purpose, I have to do something otherwise I’ll drive my family crazy, which would be an act of cruelty!

        Trust me, it has not been an easy process, but it’s all about the journey, not the destination, having a sense of humour helps… and, of course people who love me enough to take the piss out of me all the time helps.

        I don’t take myself too seriously, it’s a waste of time πŸ™‚
        Cheers
        D07

  3. Jen November 11, 2010 at 6:23 pm #

    A great topic! It is one I often contemplate for a couple of reasons. First as someone who is about to leave the security of paid employment to set up a small biz, I often ask myself why am I doing this & what do I want from it. But also as someone who participates in triathlons & other (some might say, crazy) adventures, I am often asked how I do all the necessary training. ‘Because I want to’ is the answer (though many fail to understand that!)

    But simply wanting it is not enough; as Robin rightly pointed out, you have to want it ENOUGH to put yourself outside your comfort zone, do the hard work, take the hits, the criticism, the uncertainty etc.

    I think the tipping point – the point where one moves from simply wanting it to wanting it ENOUGH – is tied to motivation; the emotional reason or basis which is at the core of the ‘want’.

    Without that I think most people are likely to struggle to even take the (simple) steps you (wisely) suggest. I think drilling down to that level also helps you identify those things you like the idea of having and those which you genuinely want (or dare I say, need)

    Regards
    Jen

    • Suellen November 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm #

      Hi Jen,
      Thanks. Pleased you found it interesting.

      The sporting want is a good one for discussion. As you know, I just completed my first marathon. Like you, I put the training in and people said why do you do it? Well, I want to run a marathon and finish it within the cut-off time so to make that a reality, I have to eat the elephant one bite at a time!

      I like your idea about the tipping point being based around motivation – something emotional, not just an idea.

      After I posted this today, I saw the video doing the rounds on Facebook – “Kevin Spacey on Being Successful” – here’s the link if you haven’t seen it. He says something like “to want [success] is not enough, that’s just desire.” He goes on to say you need to know what you want, why you want it, be prepared to dedicate your heart and soul to it, develop yourself and care deeply enough about it (paraphrase but that’s the gist of it). Is that kind of where you’re coming from?

      A couple of questions for you..what support do you have around you to successfully compete in triathlons and other adventures?

      When I did the marathon, I had: a running coach; a Personal Trainer, running buddies, mentors (experienced marathon runners), a running technique coach, running shoes and clothing & other kit, a massage therapist, physiotherapist, family members, friends. A big support team.

      Second question, what support do you have around you as you embark on your new business venture?

      At first I tried to do a lot myself. Once I reached out and got some support around me, things felt more achievable.

      Good luck with your next tri / adventure and your business!

      To Your Best Life
      Suellen

      • Jen Brown November 12, 2010 at 7:22 pm #

        Thank you for the link to the Kevin Spacey video – very wise words!

        In answer to your questions about the support I have around me to do the physical activities I undertake; let’s just say it takes a village to keep this body intact & working πŸ˜‰ I am a personal trainer so I don’t have to worry about that one πŸ˜‰ But you are right; I am surrounded by support – a husband who does triathlons and “gets it”, friends to train with, physio, pilates, massage, not to mention all the equipment !

        Interestingly I think starting up the business puts me w-a-y outside my comfort zone, far moreso than any race or (physical) adventure has. Your question also made me realise that I perhaps don’t have enough support around me. Like most startups I suspect, the purse strains are very tight! I also need to get my sharewords sorted πŸ˜‰

        Have a wonderful weekend!
        Regards
        Jen

        • Suellen November 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

          Hi Jen,

          Pleased you enjoyed the Spacey video – very timely.

          It’s interesting isn’t it how you have a great support team around you in an area that you competent and comfortable in, yet in your new venture which is outside of you comfort zone, you don’t have the same support.

          Yes, I agree that like most startups, funds are a factor but there is a lot of support available for people who just ask for it. For example, I’m part of a network called the Centurions, which is “group of business people and entrepreneurs seeking to take specific, tangible actions to help each other succeed commercially – leveraging the power of technology and Social Media”. It costs me nothing but delivers exceptional support.

          Speaking of sharewords, have you been on Robin’s great Sharewords site? I had a look through but I couldn’t find you but with 1,208 comments, I may well have missed you!

          For those reading who don’t know what this is all about, I encourage you to drop over and take a look. Sharewords are the new elevator pitch – a simple, conversational , buyer-oriented phrase that others can use to recommend you.

          For example, my sharewords are:
          “Suellen inspires you to kick start your best life”

          These were developed for me as part of the online workshop over on Robin’s site. When I’m networking and people ask me what I do, I say “I’m the Chief Kick Starter at Transforme and I inspire you to kick start your best life.” Much more intriguing and likely to get a follow-up question from the person I’m meeting than if I said something like “I run a coaching business”. It also gives me the opportunity to explain what I do and that’s a lot more than “run a coaching business!

          So, Jen, if you haven’t already been on Sharewords, then I look forward to seeing you there and being part of your support network.

          Kick start your best life πŸ˜‰
          Suellen

      • Jen Brown November 18, 2010 at 7:25 am #

        I have heard of Centurions & have been the beneficiary of it (via a request on Twitter for referrals for a graphic designer to work on my logo).

        I have also seen the Robin’s Sharewords post which, I think, is of as a perfect example of the generosity & kindness of people. But I haven’t contributed nor asked for help to create my Sharewords as yet as I still having difficulty solidifying in my mind the exact target market of my business. But I will !

        Small steps..

  4. Michelle November 13, 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    Thanks Suellen, certainly something to chew on… love the Spacey link. I have some people close to me for whom that is especially relevant.

    xxM

    • Suellen November 17, 2010 at 3:51 pm #

      Hi Michelle,

      Thought of you when I saw it but figured you’d probably already seen doing the rounds on Facebook. I think the concept of “Wanting It Just Isn’t Enough” is particularly relevant in the arts don’t you? In some ways it’s a lot tougher than other careers because so much of it is about the right connections, right place at right time, right look, whims of others. Interested to hear whether you think the tips I offered are relevant to actors, writers and other “creative” types πŸ™‚

      Thanks for making the time in your busy writing schedule to comment.

      Suellen

  5. Maxabella November 13, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    A great post. For me, it often comes down to not knowing where to start or how to find out where to start!! x

    • Suellen November 17, 2010 at 4:14 pm #

      Hi Maxabella,

      Well thank YOU so much for dropping by. Your blog hop last weekend worked a treat and I’ve found a whole bunch of new blogs as a result – some of the great bloggers have even found their way here. I loved reading all the Grateful Saturday entries – fab idea.

      Agree with you about not knowing where to start or how to find out. A lot of people end up blocked because of this and end up doing nothing which is a real shame because there’s always somewhere to start and someone knows. What do you do when this happens to you?

      I had a bit of trouble linking to your blog for some reason so have linked it here in case others want to check it out and play along on blog hop.

      Thanks again for dropping by and nice to be connected.

      Suellen

  6. bigwords November 13, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

    I love that saying eat the elephant one bit at a time I’ve never heard that before. What a wonderfully inspiring blog post. Thanks to Maxabella for introducing me to your blog. Pop over to visit mine one day if you get a chance x

    • Suellen November 17, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

      Hi bigwords,

      Thanks for dropping by. I saw your hair straighteners photo on Maxabella’s blog last Saturday and it gave me a giggle. I also read your blog about Maths… I can relate. I just look at it as the opportunity to learn it all over again. So far I’m managing OK with Kinder level math πŸ˜‰

      Here’s to faking maths…one lesson at a time.
      Suellen

  7. Trish November 13, 2010 at 10:24 pm #

    I love the bit about ‘eating the elephant one bite at a time’ …I use this for my self motivational mantra now and I bought myself an elephant charm to wear to remind me.
    Enjoyed this post.

    • Suellen November 17, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

      Hi Trish,

      Thanks for dropping by. After what you’ve been through, no wonder you use the elephant metaphor as as your motivational mantra. Do you find it helps you when things seem to big to deal with?

      Suellen

    • Jen Brown November 17, 2010 at 8:13 pm #

      Love the idea of the charm! What a great way to keep your mantra at the front of your mind!

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